Journeys and Dragonflies

In February we found the lump in my breast during a mammogram and I started the series of steps that diagnosed me with breast cancer. I am one week out from bilateral mastectomy. I know other women have said it feels surreal, like a dream or a nightmare, like it is happening to someone else. All of those and none. I feel like two persons. The outer public person is trying to be strong–make a good public showing–and the inner person cries a lot.

The journey has begun.

Last November I got my first tattoo. I searched and searched for the perfect one that would help me to define my life and future focus at this stage of my life: aged 62, single, three grown kids (but one dependent–that’s another story), nurse looking forward to retirement…..you get the picture. I settled on dragonflies. I thought at first that they just seemed whimsical and cute and light. It turns out they are holdovers from ancient times and symbolize transformation and a change in perspective, maturity, depth of character, power, and poise. Well, breast cancer is certainly about transformation and a change in perspective!

I am an Emergency Department nurse and have a certification in critical care nursing. I cannot tell you how much I’ve seen in my career of 28 years and sometimes I think to myself ‘Rhonda, you have certainly seen it all’–and yet everyday something new jumps up. Well, I have decided that I DO NOT like being a patient. I feel like I’ve lost the control over my life that I have fought so many years to gain. Being at the mercy of other nurses and doctors and tests and labs and exams and schedules is NOT for me. But guess what? Here I am. I guess I’m learning and transforming :). I will definintely by developing a new depth in my character and learn new things–including feeling helpless and at the mercy of things.

This blog is my way of dealing with things and hopefully will serve as a way I can help other women to deal with similar situations. This is a story about my journey. Transformations.